Tween Redemption?

Why the hell does the trailer for '24: Redemption' use a Jonas Brothers song? Do the Jack Bauer fans really listen to the Jonai? Are they marketing to the tween girls who aren't allowed to stay up that late? Or are they just retarded?

Independence Day

Welcome back to your lives.

Coming back on this Monday, tired, sun-burned, possibly hung over. What are you thinking about? How much fun you had this weekend? The 4th of July fireworks? All the beer?

What about your independence?

The whole point of colonizing the new world was to get away from the tyranny and to seek religious freedom. Freedom to be who we want to be and not lose our heads over it.

We've come a long way since then. We've basically wiped out a race of people, the American Indian. We have taken the people that used to populate most of this country, the Mexicans, and shoved them out. Forcing them to sneak back in to what was originally theirs, and then treating them like second class citizens.

Our so-called fore-fathers brought a race of people to this country as slaves. They burned people who were thought to be different from them, and treated women as vessels for their spawn.

Much has changed since most of us have been on this planet. At least in the "Good ol' US of A." We no longer have slaves. Women are equal. Unfortunately racism still exists, but it is slowly being replaced with enlightened youth. We know that skin color has no bearing on who a person is. We are the supposed melting pot of the world. "Give us your poor, your tired, your ambition"

Why, then, is it so hard to believe that two women or two men love each other enough to want to marry? And why is it so difficult to jut let them be? Does it hurt you in any way?

This fight to have the constitution changed, thus breaking the separation of Church and State, is most definitely not what our fore-fathers had in mind. There was a reason the Church and the State were to be kept separate: to keep the small minded people from controlling the nation.

Are we truly independent of the very thing we left in the first place? Religious persecution, the right to be who we are?

We haven't come nearly as far as we'd like to think.

25 Live

80's pop idols still make my cockles warm. I don't know what it is about them - is it the memories? The longing for a more innocent, sexually ambiguous time? Not that we were that innocent or ambiguous, mind you, we just used that to explore all of our options!

When I found out George Michael was touring again, I jumped for dolphin-shorted, Choose Life, day-glo joy. I knew it wouldn't be the same without Andrew lip-synching and air-guitaring his way through the groupies, but I had always liked Georgie boy a little better. I knew where the talent lie - and the homo!

Yes, baby, you are looking older. Your voice isn't as strong as it used to be, but you can sing the hell out of a song and still look like sex on a stick doing it.

My seats were awesome - close enough to gaze lovingly on his slightly over botoxed pop-idolness, but back far enough not to be clawed by the soccer moms reliving their first boning on the football field, Careless Whisper playing on the car radio, the quarterback promising his undying love, if only she just let him put the head in a little. He promised, only a little!

We all went crazy with each number - singing at the top of our lungs when Georgie declared he couldn't hit the high(?) notes anymore. We were actually singing a duet with George Michael! In front of thousands of people!! Could we get any luckier?

The answer to that would be a resounding YES! it seems little George saw Dr. Phil and his lovely wife in the audience, and proceeded to point them out to everyone. Through the BOOS of us all, George pointed out that Phil's wife seemed to be having a grand time (doing the lame white-girl dance I'm sure), but Phil seemed to be standing there like he couldn't wait to get the hell out and give himself an enema. Yes, kiddies, George Michael pulled the claws out and had some practice on the douchebag that is Dr. Phil. LOVED IT!!

Spotted being a dork and wearing sunglasses in the dark - Corey Feldman. I know, who is that, right?

After the show, we made our way back to the Forum Club. What a mess. I have to say, the minimum wage employees working at the Forum need to use their extra cash for night classes on etiquette and manners. These botched abortions shouldn't be let off probationary work detail. They shouldn't be around people, only on the sides of the freeways in orange vests.

Back to the back - as I'm getting my bearing, looking for another cocktail ($8 beers - marone!) I see this power lesbian walking towards me with the look of death on her face. I'm thinking to myself, I know her. Who is she? Did I piss her off somehow?? As she gets closer to me, I am starting to wonder what the hell she is going to do.

What she did was give me the look of death and kept on walking. As she passed, I notice two things.

One - she had a group of lesbians with her

Two - it was Sharon Stone.

Yes, I got the stink-eye from Sharon Stone and her pussy posse. What the hell??!!

Whatever - I'm out of money, out of beer, and outta here.

Thanks Shady!!